Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Philosophy of Life

Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.

Life not only begins at forty; it begins to show.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.

Age is important only if you are cheese and wine.

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but he/she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

A Surefire way to Fail in a Job Interview!

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

- An applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
- An applicant wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
- An applicant fell and broke his arm during the interview.
- A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
- An applicant explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
- A candidate said he had never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
- A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.
- An applicant said that if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
- An applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
- A candidate brought a large dog to interview.
- An applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed while standing up.
- One candidate dozed off during interview.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Top 35 Oxymorons

35. State worker

34. Legally drunk

33. Exact estimate

32. Act naturally

31. Found missing

30. Resident alien

29. Genuine imitation

28. Airline Food

27. Good grief

26. Government organization

25. Sanitary landfill

24. Alone together

23. Small crowd

22. Business ethics

21. Soft rock

20. Butt Head

19. Military Intelligence

18. Sweet sorrow

17. Rural Metro (ambulance service)

16. "Now, then ..."

15. Passive aggression

14. Clearly misunderstood

13. Peace force

12. Extinct Life

11. Plastic glasses

10. Terribly pleased

9. Computer security

8. Political science

7. Tight slacks

6. Definite maybe

5. Pretty ugly

4. Rap music

3. Working vacation

2. Religious tolerance

1. Microsoft Works