Monday, October 20, 2008

My favorite George Burns quotes

“I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.”

“Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.”

“I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.”

“Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.”

“I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoyed than be a success at something I hate.”

“When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.”

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

“People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways -- I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.”

“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”

“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”

“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”

“Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.”

Monday, October 13, 2008

"Competent" Employees

For those of you in the supervisory positions, have you ever had an occasion to use any of the following quotes?
For those of you who are employees, good luck that your supervisor or boss does not ever use these words to describe your work attitude:)


"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere but only out of morbid curiosity."

"This associate is really not so much a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change feet."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee should go far -- and the sooner he starts, the better we'll be."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This employee should not be allowed to breed."

"This man has the whole six pack but is missing the plastic thingy that holds them all together."

"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

"He doesn't have ulcers, but he is a carrier."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

"Is apparently very careful with equipment, as his tools show very little signs of wear."

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Murphey's Laws Of Computing

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.

7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked perfectly.

10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.