Thursday, April 24, 2008

All about Work

Work Laws

- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

- Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

- Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.

- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

- To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.

- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

- The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.

Laws of Work

- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

- The more of it you put up with, the more of it you're going to get.

- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

- Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a darn fool about it.

Murphy on Work

- There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

- The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).

- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

- People are always available for work in the past tense.

- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

- You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

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