Friday, March 7, 2008

Found in a Church Bulletin

* "Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't like you."

* "Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church."

* "Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."

* "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

* "O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation."

* "After today's service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor."

* "Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."

* "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

* "The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer."

* "Children will be led in sinning and Bible study."

* "This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends."

* "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."

* "There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow."

* "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."

* "Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping."

* "Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured." -- The subject of a sermon that should have read, "An Institution To Endure."

* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

* The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.

* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

2 comments:

Monique said...

Oh those are so funny. Brings back so many memories of typos in our own church bulletins.

Kevin said...

haha, funny stuff, thanks for sharing. :)