Wednesday, October 31, 2007

More Jokes

Here are more jokes that makes use of puns. My favourite is the one about the frog and the cat. Which is your favourite?


What did the chimpanzee say when his sister had a baby? Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes? You can't venom all.

What did the mother say to her kids when she came home to find the sink piled high? Dishes a real mess!

What did the religious owner of a pest control company tell his workers he sent them off to their assignments each day? “Brothers and sisters, let us spray.”

What did the toy store sign say? Don't feed the animals. They are already stuffed.

What Disney movie is about a gal who couldn't rise above a housecleaning position? The Little Mere Maid

What Disney movie is about a stupid boyfriend? Dumb Beau

What Disney movie is about the tall-tale-telling champ? The Lyin' King

What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves? A cartridge in a bare tree.

What happened to the woman with ten children? She went stork raving mad.

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

What is a mouse's favorite game? Hide and Squeak

What is the breed of canine that easily forgets his place on the trail? Wherewolf

What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit coin? One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.

What is the difference between a frog and a cat? A frog croaks all the time, a cat only nine times.

What is the difference between a knight and Santa's reindeer? One slays the dragon and the other is draggin' the sleigh.

What is the difference between a miser and a canary? One's a little cheap and the other is a little cheeper.

What is the difference between a unicorn and lettuce? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

What is the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer? One is a bird watcher, and the other is a word botcher.

What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

What is the religion of a woman who had a sex-change operation. A HeThen

What musical is about a train conductor? "My Fare, Lady"

What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lonely hearts club? Lots of blind dates.

What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart ass which knows it all.

What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine? A tunnel that leaks.

What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.

What would you get if you crossed a pigeon and a general? A military coo.

What would you get if you crossed an electric eel with a sponge? A shock absorber.

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.

When I saw a lorry load of tortoises crash into a train load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"

When Mr. Sip's wife steps into the rest room, does Mississippi?

When NASA puts 20 head of cattle into outer space, it will be the first herd shot around the world.

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

When the cops raided the strip joint, who did they arrest every bawdy?

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Whenever I hear Pavlov's name, it rings a bell.

Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.

Which president was least guilty? Lincoln. He is in a cent.

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