Monday, September 24, 2007

Dismissals - Occupational Puns

When people lose their jobs they may be dismissed, sacked, fired or kicked out; they may be out on their ear or on their neck; they may be shown the door; or they may be given their cards, their marching orders, the push, the elbow, the old heave-ho or the order of the boot.

Some professions, however, have their own individual terminology for this situation: a clergyman may be defrocked, a lawyer disbarred, an army officer cashiered.

Why should not people in other walks of life also have their own terms for dismissal? Thus:

An office-worker could be defiled.
A salesman could be disordered.
A writer could be described.
A journalist could be depressed.
A botanist could be deflowered.
A wine merchant could be deported.
A traffic warden could be defined.
A cashier could be distilled.
A poet could be diversified.
A celebrity could be defamed.
A cricketer could be detested.
A climber could be dismounted.
A jailer could be excelled.
A policeman could be unwarranted.
A judge could be dishonored.
A bishop could be disgraced.
A model could be deposed.
A neurologist could be unnerved.
An engine-driver could be distrained.
A gambler could be discarded.
A conjuror could be disillusioned.
A prostitute could be delayed.
A Moonie could be dissected.
A Chinese waiter could be disoriented.
A solicitor could be distorted.
A rabble-rouser could be demobbed.
A mathematician could be nonplussed.
A diplomat could be disconsolate.
An investment banker could be distrusted.
An immunologist could be disinfected.
A tax collector could be distributed.
A chef could be distasteful.
A convict could be discriminated.
A statistician could be discounted or disfigured.
A butcher could be disjointed or delivered.
An actor could be displayed or departed.
A sorcerer could be dispelled or disenchanted.
A politician could be devoted, denominated or disappointed.
An electrician could be delighted or discharged or unearthed.
A musician could be denoted, disbarred, disbanded, decomposed, or disconcerted

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